We had our first two days of Chemo. They were long and stressful and so very tiring! We left the house around 9AM and didn’t get back until after 4PM both days. He had lab, Nutritionist visit, Chemo, Radiation and Radiologist visit on Monday. Tolerated the Chemo fairly well that day, of course he was also drinking plenty of water, juice, and Ensure during the treatment. I, on the other hand, ate a small bowl of oatmeal in the morning before we left and ate a good lunch around noon, then had my pap smear in the early afternoon. That was the limit of my food and liquid intake and exercise for the rest of the day! By the time we got home, he was ready to rock the night away and I was sick to my stomach, shaky from low blood sugar and just ready to drop! I didn’t even have the energy to find something to eat, even though I needed the food! I did warm up a hot pocket and ate that which made me feel better able to continue.
The next day, we woke up disgustingly early and were at the hospital again by 9AM. This time I had to fast for my well-woman blood-work. He gets up and fixes himself an egg, which made me hungrier, but I knew he needed to eat. However, when I left the room he was going to eat in, he got mad! I gently reminded him that I am fasting for my labs today. He made a couple of snide remarks that made me feel unwanted and unappreciated because I didn’t put his wanting me to sit beside him ahead of my need to survive my fast long enough to get the blood-work done.
Thankfully I was able to get labs done as soon as we got to the hospital and was able to get my first cup of coffee before 9:30AM. That cup was pure bliss! Then we went through all the fun things he had to have done. This time he didn’t drink much of anything, although he did eat most of the lunch I brought him. The lack of fluids through the day cost him in the long run. By Tuesday evening, he was worn out, bitchy, and felt sick to his stomach. The anti-nausea pills they prescribed didn’t work for him. As a result, we didn’t sleep well again.
Wednesday morning rolls around and I have to get up and go to work. He stays home, has his radiation, comes back home and really doesn’t feel well. Again, he hasn’t really drank or eaten anything since lunch yesterday. I leave work at noon to see what is going on with him, call his Oncologist and see what we can get going for him. The Dr orders every other day to get an IV with extra fluids to keep him hydrated while he is between Chemo days. He also ordered a different anti-nausea pill that dissolves under his tongue.
Cut to this morning, Thursday. I am back to work and cannot leave today at all! He has radiation and his fluid injection today. Thankfully, the new anti-nausea meds are working so much better! However, his text to me says that the nurses at the Cancer Center are telling him that he doesn’t need the additional fluid injections, that there was enough in the last two days to tide him over. That hurt, I don’t leave work when I have so little leave time left just for fun! I tell him that the Dr must have thought different because he ordered the extra fluids for him… That shuts him up.
Cut to the present moment, I have had 3 close calls to completely falling apart all over my co-workers and no one seems to care that I am a hot mess with all the stress and worry I am dealing with! That brings me to the link I want to share with you.
For anyone who cares for someone going through cancer, or really any major illness or surgery: 10 ways to support a cancer caregiver
Remember, the cancer warrior isn’t the only rock-star in this battle. You are also a rock-star for dealing with everything and more!
Here is another wonderful article about what it looks like to be the caregiver: What It Actually Looks Like
I know I am stressed beyond belief and worn all the way down to my soul. I hope I can recover before Christmas, but that also depends on his behavior and if he will allow me the space and time to sit by myself and decompress.
There will come a time when I will need to just walk out and spend some time completely away from everything and everyone for a bit.
In the meantime, my workday continues and I will survive!
Until next time,
Storm on the Horizon